bildungsromans | Nightbunny ( PSL with bunnyhopped )

Nightbunny ( PSL with bunnyhopped )

d.va art by PSDgai @ twitter / nightwing artist unknown / edit by bunnyhopped @ dw

Dick Grayson (bildungsromans) and Hana Song (bunnyhopped)

[ There's a certain relief that comes to her as he lets her remove his mask. She tosses it aside, but the fact that still she can't meet his gaze is just another painful reminder of how foolish and selfish she's being.

To hear I can learn to love you back should make Hana feel elated, almost as much as hearing an impossible I love you, too would, but - she knows.

Dick, you liar, she thinks, and she's got half a mind to say it, too, but the words die in her mouth and instead another moan comes out as he resumes sucking on her breast and thrusting his hand into her now with more force. Even if his words didn't bring the relief that he meant for them to, his actions are enough to send her over the edge. Her back arches even more now, bringing her body as flush against his as can be, and this, all of this - the heat of his mouth around her breast, the deftness of his fingers as he hits her sweet spot over and over, the feeling of his skin against hers, his strength - have reduced her to an awful, shameful mess underneath him.

And so Hana comes, one hand of her finding purchase on Dick's shoulder, fingers clamping down on them and nails digging into his skin as the other claps over her mouth. She cries out as her body trembles and shakes with her release, voice muffled behind her hand and stifling what otherwise would have been a pathetic call of his name.

Dick will find, though, that if he even bothers to look at her once she's completely finished, that the hand of hers that had been covering her mouth is now covering her eyes again. Her lips are parted as she's panting, trying to catch her breath, but there's a gasp in between that almost sounds like something else.

Don't cry. ]

[ Dick isn't so oblivious that he fails to notice what Hana's doing - what Hana's hiding. Part of him wonders why she's let him go this far and do this much to her. If at any point she decides enough's enough, that she ought to knock some sense into him... Dick won't complain. Come what may, he knows he'll deserve it. In all his pain, he didn't have to bring anyone else down with him.

Yet here they are.

He pays no mind to the stinging pain on his scratched shoulders, too enamored with the sight of a thoroughly disheveled Hana. He sees that she's about to cry, about to fall apart at any moment, but... he releases his fingers from inside Hana and crawls over to smother her in another kiss. To distract her from her turmoil, maybe, with even more touches, more sensations - even as he feels her tears wet his cheeks, even as her hurt is so vividly palpable. He hopes to keep her trapped in the haze of her own arousal for just a bit longer, kissing her liberally in many places - her lips, her cheek, her neck - and even nibbling her ear. ]

Do you want more?

[ he briefly whispers before nibbling her ear once more, though he shortly goes back to kissing her elsewhere.

Hana might have just finished, but the fact remains that Dick hasn't. His own arousal isn't difficult to notice, though he makes it easier as he leans away to rid himself of his pants. ]

Yes.

[ She barely even waits to answer.

Because the reason she began to cry wasn't because she didn't want this to continue any longer, it wasn't because of how much she's hurting. It's because in spite of all that, in spite of her hurting, she still wants more. She still wants him so badly. And she's ashamed of it, of the fact that even though this is nothing but empty sex to him, she still wants all of it and every part of it.

Even knowing that he doesn't love her and never will.

Why would he, anyway? She's pathetic like this, a horrible woman taking advantage of a horrible situation. So selfish, and so needy, so stupid. She knows, too, that maybe the reason Dick could never come to love her is because she's really nothing like the sunny, bright D.Va. That's who he'd need: someone who's infallibly strong in spirit and always sees the bright spots in everything (you know, like the person Dick does love). But behind all her smiles and chipper voice and talk of hope and courage, she's just a sad, pathetic, scared young girl.

That's why she cries, even as he smothers her with kisses. Because she's like this, but she still wants to take anything that Dick wants to give her, even if she doesn't deserve him.

To that point - she props herself up on her elbows as Dick leans away, unwilling to give up the closeness of their bodies, and she watches him take his pants off to reveal his arousal. She wants more. Even tear-stained as her face is, she looks up at him with a need and want in her eyes. ]

I want more... please.

[ She might not deserve him, but it goes both ways: he doesn’t deserve her. The fact Dick has even resorted to this is proof enough of his own pathetic nature - how thoroughly dependent he’s become on the gratification of a lover’s touch. It’s enough to make him want to punch his own reflection whenever he looks in the mirror, but... now’s obviously not the time. Not when he can continue distracting himself with Hana’s body, eyes lustfully regarding her pained and disheveled condition with an eager yearning.

He needs a moment to let Hana’s words sink in - the fact that despite everything, she manages to continue wanting this in spite of herself. ]

Turn around... on your knees.

[ That’s all Dick offers as a sort of affirmation as he waits for Hana to follow his command. Once she does so, Dick doesn’t even hesitate as he makes his way inside, his girth filling in the space his fingers had paved moments before. He might not seem as invested in Hana’s emotional well-being, but he’s at least careful upon entry, starting slow before the momentum inevitably builds. His hips, after all, begin thrusting ceaselessly the more intense the sensations become. Like this, with Hana’s back facing him, Dick doesn’t even have to look at her, or recognize that it is her, as he reaches to press his palm against Hana’s back and hold her down.

Yet he continues to look at her - and the more he does, the more he imagines someone else in her place. Which is why she’ll feel him harder against her walls, full brunt of his force the longer he goes at it. He can look at her as much he wants, growing eager with anticipation and excitement... as long as he doesn’t have to see her face. ]

[ She feels her heart sinking at his instruction...

... but she obliges. Of course she does. That's how badly she just wants to be with him - that she would do what he says, even knowing the reason why. He doesn't want to see her face. Doesn't want to be reminded that it's her he's doing this with. Still, she'll give him what he wants.

And so she turns around, gets on her knees, and braces her arms against the bed to hold herself up as she feels Dick slide into her. She can't help the gasp that she gives as he does, so utterly taken with how he fills her up, how much she's wanted this for so long. Now, again, she bites down on her lip to keep from getting too loud as he begins thrusting, and she closes her eyes. This way she won't be tempted to look back at him. He wouldn't want that.

He makes it more difficult, anyway, once he uses his hand to pin her down. It shifts her angle a bit, and she gives a quiet cry from the pleasure when he starts going at her harder. Any volume she might have gained from it, though, she stifles; with her now pinned down, she easily, though desperately grabs fistfuls of his sheets, holding the fabric up against her gaping mouth. With every intensified move of his her muffled whining and moaning grows more pitiful and desperate but they're in this together now. Both of them, doing this awful horrible thing to each other.

She wishes she didn't enjoy this so much. She wishes she had more self-respect than this.

But she doesn't. ]

[ And Dick doesn't think less of her for it. But maybe that's only because he's not really thinking of her, period. The thrusts of Dick's hips are relentless, ever-increasing in force and vigor as if he's chasing after his next catharsis. He wants this, all of this... even if it's not Hana he'd rather be doing it with. With so much of his mind now preoccupied with the sensations at hand, Dick has little reason to complain.

He's certain that if he maintains a consistent rhythm, he'll edge Hana closer and closer to climax. He's confident, after all, that he has enough stamina to outlast her - to put her through the ringer a second time even before he finishes. So Dick continues on without fail, hardening inside her as the thought of making her come sooner than he will goads him on. Hana can hear him shudder slightly, breath quivering as he navigates the fog of his own arousal. Though by now, it's obvious that Dick's only using Hana for her body, the effect she has on him his undeniable. He's committed to seeing to it that Hana finishes once again before he does, but he permits himself to enjoy her body, to enjoy her tightness around his length as he thrusts on and on.

Even if there's that going for Hana, and only that... maybe it's enough.

It's certainly enough for Dick.

Still, this might not be the healthiest coping mechanism. It's probably the least healthy, if Dick was honest with himself.

Yet he feels this is what he needs. Otherwise, what's left? A pit, for sure - a void without feeling, or purpose, or meaning. And it'll consume him otherwise.

But once the dust settles, and Dick inevitably comes to terms with the hand he'd been dealt to make this night happen, the people he's had to lose...

He'll never forgive himself. ]

[ If Hana really had enough of her wits about her to think, she might recognize the fact that, at least on a basic level, Dick is responding to her. Her body, more specifically, but still her. That she does have an effect on him, enough that he'd gotten aroused in the first place.

But there's really no room in her mind for any higher plane thought at the moment. All she can think about is how good this feels on a physical level and how bad it feels on an emotional level. The former moreso than the latter.

Because there's just something so raw about how Dick pounds into her again and again that she simply can't not feel surmounting pleasure from; he comes at her with such force and vigor that she finds herself so completely reduced to a mindless heap under him. The air is filled with the sounds of Dick's hips continually colliding with hers, her own gasps and moans, as well as the bed creaking below. She wants so badly to turn her head and look at him, to see whether or not he's as disheveled as she is - but she knows better than that, at least.

So instead she looks forward, hands again clutching at the sheets. Part of her doesn't want to cum. If she does, and Dick finishes - then this ends. And she's afraid to find what's to be on the other end of this encounter. Is she supposed to shamefully put collect her things, get dressed again and then leave? When she does, is she supposed to pretend this never happened? Is she supposed to go on with a heart that's so completely broken yet completely captured by him at the same time?

But she can't help it. Hana feels her body tensing up in culminating pleasure, walls tightening around his cock before she just - falls apart once more. But her release is so much more intense now for having been so thoroughly fucked by him, and she practically screams as she comes. ]

[ As Hana rides out her orgasm with such ferosity, such intensity - Dick musters the full brunt of his strength to meet her with thrusts of comparable vigor. As she falls apart, limp against the bed, Dick slows his own rhythm in turn before finally sliding out of her. He falls on his ass onto the bed, breathing labored after all the effort spent driving Hana into climax once again. With his palms on the sheets behind him, he leans back and simply looks at Hana, who can't even face him - she's evidently so tired, so disheveled that she can only lie on her stomach as she slowly regains her composure.

Tired himself, Dick's hardness becomes more limp the longer it takes Hana to recover. He pays it no mind, however, as he's aware of how Hana might want to please him in return. He's now so preoccupied with the present moment that, unlike Hana, he doesn't contemplate what awaits them after this encounter. Part of him wonders if he should try to forget this entire thing in the coming days, or... if he should convince her to make this a regular occurrence. Something the two of them can do to mend their brokenness, fill their respective voids... however futile and self-destructive this exercise turns out to be - however much it actually is. ]

How was that, little bunny?

[ He has the nerve to ask, but there's no genuine curiosity. Asking like this is merely a formality at this point... and it's obvious from the lack of passion in his words. It's like Dick calls her that - calls her 'little bunny' - just to pretend there's affection here, to help lull her into that illusion just a little longer. ]

[ Hana doesn't even answer his question.

It should be abundantly clear how that was for her in the way that she continues to lay on her stomach, face buried in her hands and his sheets as she continues to gasp for breath. Her mind is hazy with the shame she feels - and the pleasure, the afterglow of her climax.

She know he's not really interested in her answer, anyway.

The fact remains, however, that Dick hasn't finished. She knows, even from how intense and completely mind-blowing her own orgasm was, that he didn't come. And she gives a soft whimper to herself as she considers that - was she just not enough? Even after all of this, after giving herself to him, letting him take her like this - she's still not enough for him?

Of course not. How could she ever think that she would be?

Still, she musters the energy to pick herself up, to turn around and sit up on the bed facing him. She doesn't even disguise the glance that she gives over to his cock, but his eyes only receive brief contact before she looks down to the sheets. If she looks right at him, he'll only be reminded of how she's Hana. Not her.

Still, she offers, quietly: ]

Dick... Let me do something for you now. Please.

[ He's expressionless at Hana's offer, but clearly still contemplative. Like her, he doesn't really look back at her, adrift in thought of something else. Someone else. Of course he sees Hana right in front of him, and of course he's aware of the situation at hand. It's just that Dick is currently a man divided - and his other half is somewhere very far from this room.

Whether it's about work, about his lost love, or about some other pressing matter... Hana won't be able to tell.

But she won't need to. ]

If you want, Hana.

[ Is it insulting that he reaches to cup her cheek, admiring the warmth of her flushed face? Would it hurt more if it were genuine, suppressed affection - or would it hurt more if it was a petty attempt to make something that wasn't there more real? ]

Help yourself.

[ That, alone, is enough to remind Hana - Dick will never really be hers. She may very well always be his, heart and soul and now especially body - but whatever it is they're doing right now, it's not at all the same for her as it is for him. She's giving him everything - and he's simply tolerating it. Tolerating her.

She will never be enough for him...

In spite of that - she wants to try. Perhaps something that both Hana and D.Va share is just that - the willingness to try and give something your all. Whether it's giving her all in battle and warfare and missions - or her all in this ill-fated romance of hers.

And maybe, once Dick inevitably casts her aside like he has so many other women in his life... she can at least say she gave this her all.

To that end, she silently nods at him, her lips drawing into a thin line in a bashful way as she crawls closer to him across the bed until she occupies the space between his legs on her knees. Slowly she leans forward, casting him one last questioning glance as though to ask for permission before she wraps her fingers around his cock - and strokes once, twice, however much she has to for him to get aroused again. And should that succeed - she'll lean in, tucking her hair back behind her ear with her free hand and then lave a hot line from the base of him up to his tip with her tongue before swirling it and then drawing him into her mouth to suck, voice thrumming against him with a hum as she does so. ]

Edited 2018-02-08 01:52 (UTC)

[ It's true - she'll never be enough for him. But in time, she'll find that she shouldn't want that. See, she'll never be enough for him because she'll always ask for more than Dick's willing to give - than Dick's capable of giving. He's far too heartbroken now, and even if he eventually healed... how emotionally available would he even be when the healing fails to make his scars disappear?

Until then, he takes advantage of the moment. He lets Hana have her way with him, use his body however she pleases, though it's clear that while her intentions aren't ideal... she still cares for Dick. In a mission, Dick would stop at nothing to protect Hana - they'd have even been good friends if not for the strange distance between them before this point. But now, the strongest feelings he has for her are strictly professional - she's only a colleague, a friend from work, and nothing more. So the reason they're doing this, the reason Hana's tending to Dick so loyally now... is because she's here and she wants this. Dick wants this too, of course, and almost even wants her, but it's a temporary fixation.

Something to fill the void.

It doesn't stop him from brushing stray bangs from her face and holding her hair back as she sucks him off. Believe it or not, he wants to see her do this, and watch as she progresses to the base before shifting back. He won't deny how good this feels, how pleasant a distraction it is from his pain. The longer Hana goes on, Dick can't even drift off to think about work again. ]

Attagirl...

[ He's already having a hard time breathing serenely, and even groans as Hana's undivided attention pays off. ]

[ If nothing else, she can do this for him.

Hana continues her ministrations, this time introducing her fingers back into it by moving her hand up and down in conjunction with the way her mouth moves up and down him. Each time she takes him in, she takes him in deeper; her brows furrow in the effort that she exerts to suppress her reflexes, but the groans that she gives in response to his suggest that she's enjoying this - and she is. She's wanted him like this for so long. And if this ends up being the only time they'll ever be together like this, even if it's all built upon hurt and hollowness and lies... At least his body responds to her.

She picks up the pace, now, and alternates between sucking on his tip at each withdraw and running, flicking her tongue over it before her mouth closes around him again. Soon, she does away with that entirely as her head merely bobs up and down along his length along with her hand. And in spite of what her mind tells her, she lifts her gaze to look at him as she does all of this, yearning for some sort of connection even when she knows she won't find one. Wanting to see how he's responding, if at all. Hoping to whatever higher powers are up there that he's not just letting her do this while he blankly stares out the window. That he's still here with her, somehow. ]

[ Fortunately, he's doing everything short of staring out the window. Though that means his investment in the situation is largely absent, at least he's still reacting to Hana's every touch. Every stroke and every suck of Hana's delivers sensations that keep Dick focused on the feeling of each moment, his eyes closed as - admittedly - it's not even Hana he's imagining. Her dedication pays off, however, as she gets Dick to moan slightly, to grunt and grit his teeth as he tries to stomach so much pleasure in rapid succession. It's only natural, though, only the purely physiological responses that Dick would inevitably show under the right sensations. ]

Close...

[ He whispers at her, far too engrossed in her actions to properly articulate his own words. Her pace may quicken and she may suck him harder in reply, but it's absolutely certain that her forthcoming actions bring Dick to climax. He finishes in her mouth, hardly saying much as he tenses up at the peak of his own pleasure. Sure, he grunts and moans even more, but there's an obvious attempt to subdue himself. He could be so much louder than this, and yet...

He isn't. ]

[ Close does indeed spur her into further action, doing exactly what he might expect, taking him in and withdrawing more rapidly, sucking on him harder with each thrust, until she can feel his cum spilling into her mouth, at which point she stops, hand stroking and taking over what her mouth had just been doing as she bids him to pump that warmth into her mouth, down her throat. She moans as well, sated with the fact that she managed to please him, too.

Even though she knows that he's holding back; she knows that he's not giving her all of him, and he never will.

She swallows down his cum once he's completely finished, and only then does she finally pull herself away from him, now sitting in front of him with her legs tucked beneath her - and his eyes are still closed.

Hana has to wonder - when his eyes close, does he see her? Is he letting Hana do all of this just so he can close his eyes and imagine someone else in her place?

Of course he is.

But Hana is far too broken to care, now. Far too lost in the tug of war in her soul between the fiery D.Va and the scared, emotional Hana. Far too lost in her love for him, however twisted and toxic it's become, especially as of this very moment.

It hurts. There's nothing she wants more than Dick's affection. But him using her -

that'll do.

Who's really using who, here?

Hana bows her head in shame, taking a deep breath before she says, ]

I'm sorry.

[ A beat, then: ]

I can leave if you want me to. I won't - I won't bother you anymore. I'll stay away again, I just - I'm so sorry, Dick.

Don't apologize.

And...

[ He almost stops short of saying it, but-- ]

Don't go.

[ Maybe he's using her. Maybe she's using him. Maybe they're using each other.

Either way, it's ugly, it's painful, and it's mortifying, but... for the both of them, it's clearly what they feel they need.

What they both deserve.

His hand reaches for her wrist, the physical contact cementing his resolve. ]

Just... stay the night. Please.

That's all I ask.

[ Why his sudden need for this? Though Hana wouldn't be foolish enough to believe Dick wants her to stick around, the fleeting fantasy of it must be tempting.

It's likely preferable to the reality of it - that Dick's willing to take whatever warmth and intimacy he can get, whatever body he can hold onto and hold closely until the night passes.

After all, that seems to be precisely what Hana is to him.

A body. ]

[ All she's ever wanted was to hear him ask her to stay. Even before Dick fell in love with someone else - all she ever wanted was to hear him ask her to stay, just a while longer after all those times they would grab coffee together, just a while longer after training, don't go whenever she had to leave to return to Korea for a military engagement, just stay. Don't go. God only knows how many times she's had to keep herself from asking the same of him over these years.

She could never even hope for an I love you, too. How could she? She's known all this time that he would never come to love her. He wouldn't when she was at her best - when she was a bright-eyed young woman who was passionate about defending her country and the world - and her certainly wouldn't as she fell, as surmounting pressure and expectations piled one after another on D.Va made Hana Song retreat into a shell, made her into a girl who was afraid of failing, afraid of letting people down, afraid of dying, afraid of herself. She knew Dick would never love her like that - and she was right, because he fell in love with someone else.

Yet here he is at present, finally asking her to stay...

She swallows thickly, bowing her head down so he can't see the way her eyes are welling up with tears. Her response is silent at first - but she nods in agreement. ]

Alright.

[ She moves away from him, though, until she's at the edge of the bed. ]

Just let me wash up first. Okay? I'll be right back.

[ There's a sense of urgency to the way she moves out of the room and into the bathroom. As soon as the door closes behind her the tears spill over and almost blindly, she manages to get the shower going - as hot as her body can physically handle. Even if it hurts a little, it can't compare to the aching in her heart. Against the walls of the shower she crumples, drawing her knees up to her chest as she curls up into a ball and just cries as silently as she can manage. ]

Edited 2018-03-07 23:36 (UTC)

[ As silently as she can manage? Sure, Dick can't quite hear her crying, but he sure as hell can guess that's what she's doing right now. After all that, how could she not cry?

Dick could only sit back in shame, knowing full well what he did - what they both did - was wrong, only... he's trying to find reasons to care. To see why it matters that this was wrong, especially after everything he's lost. How transgressive could this have been, really? Who, other than himself and Hana, had anything to lose because of this?

Dick certainly had nothing left to lose.

He sits on the edge of the bed solemnly, lost in a haze of mental abstraction as he listens to the shower running. Part of him wonders what to say, how to properly address any of this... but the damage has clearly been done. There might be nothing left to say, only things left to do.

Like more of this. Dick knows this won't be the last night Hana comes to him, or he comes to Hana.

Because no matter how depraved this is, how despicable... the two of them clearly need each other.

Their affections. Their bodies.

With nothing left to lose, that might be the most they can salvage. ]

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