bildungsromans | Nightbunny ( PSL with bunnyhopped )

Nightbunny ( PSL with bunnyhopped )

d.va art by PSDgai @ twitter / nightwing artist unknown / edit by bunnyhopped @ dw

Dick Grayson (bildungsromans) and Hana Song (bunnyhopped)

[ Dick's not even relieved that Hana returned the kiss. He's not even sure how to feel, except...

...that he feels guilty. And he can feel it in his core. But it's the fact that he doesn't want to want this that makes him want it more.

So when he feels Hana kissing back, he presses onward, holding her close as his kisses venture beyond her lips. He quickly leaves a trail of kisses on her cheek and her neck, freely exploring any exposed skin with his mouth. Even now, he's not shy when it comes to sucking on the skin a bit, or even biting the skin of her neck - as if the heat of the moment could bring out his playfulness, even in all this grief.

Any smile he wears doesn't last, though. However hard he tries to distract himself from his own melancholy, it just comes back stronger, more forceful - like the energy expended to resist it only makes its power grow.

Dick doesn't seem to realize this as he continues attempting to distract himself. He starts by briefly distancing himself from Hana to properly discard the top of his suit. Though he has yet to remove his mask, Dick remains clad in Nightwing gear from the waist down.

He's thoroughly intent on kissing Hana, on touching her, feeling her all over him. Intellectually, he knows that it's her and it's her that urges him onward... but it's not necessarily Hana that he's thinking about.

Not completely.

Still, it's nothing she needs to know. Not when she already seems so... preoccupied.

It's not long before she loses the jacket. And the sweater. The hat had already fallen off in all their kissing.

Before Hana knows it, Dick's already cradled her onto the bed. He's on top of her, all over her, kissing her and being kissed back endlessly. Yet he doesn't seem to ever look her in the eye... not even once. Though it's her face he's cupping in his hands every so often, her lips he's lavishing with his own, and her body that he can't get enough of touching...

Dick seems to be looking past her.

As if all he can see - all he wants to see - is someone else. ]

[ Naive as Hana may be to find herself in this situation...

She's not oblivious. There isn't a single second of any of this that passes where Hana isn't aware of what exactly is going on. She understands. The reason that Dick doesn't even bother taking his mask off, why he hasn't said a single word much less her name -

why he hasn't looked her in the eyes even once since they started kissing.

God, how many times has she wished for this to happen? To be in his arms and have him kissing her as thoroughly as he is? How many times has she laid awake at night wishing she could be in his bed the way that she is now, at this moment?

Had she imagined that it would hurt this much?

Every article of clothing that gets discarded feels just feels like another step into territory that they shouldn't be in. But she does nothing to stop it, even encouraging it by keeping her arms wrapped around him even as he's pressing down on her, by kissing him back. By looking into his eyes, baring all of the love that she's harbored, unrequited, for him for all this time - and finding nothing but emptiness behind them.

She's not oblivious. She understands that at the moment, she's merely a convenient body to have, to seek warmth from. And warmth, she'll give. She'll give him whatever he wants. Even if it means stifling her own voice - because if she gets loud, it'll disturb him, it'll bring him back into the reality where he's pouring this all out to Hana Song, when she knows he would rather be somewhere else. So much that her arms drop away from him, and she presses the back of her hand against her lips to muffle the little whines and moans that she just can't help but give, the way he's moving on and touching her.

Dick is hurting, she knows. But she wonders if he understands how much he's now hurting her to know that the only thing she's ever wanted from him now pains her to receive. ]

[ But he does understand. Dear god, does he understand.

But that doesn’t seem to stop him from proceeding, from holding Hana in his arms and fondling her however he pleases - as much as she’s willing to let him. Though it seems that so far, he’s using Hana as some sort of instrument for a vicarious catharsis: the emotional release he would’ve had, would’ve wanted... had it been someone else.

Must be strange that, long after Hana’s resigned herself to that fact, Dick sees her hand covering her mouth and takes it by the adjacent wrist. He needs it out of his way to properly kiss her now, languidly and thoroughly until he feels that he’s tasted enough. That’s not to say that he’s sufficiently sated, of course, as he pulls away from the kiss - briefly biting Hana’s lower lip as he distances himself - and ventures downward.

He’d been hovering over her to touch and kiss her, after all, so he has the leeway to move backwards on the bed and finally stop once his head’s looking down between Hana’s legs. In all their shameful fooling around, Hana’s long since lost her underwear, her sex now exposed for Dick’s perusal. He pulls one of Hana’s hands down, leading her fingers to her folds as an implicit command to spread them open. ]

That’ll do, little bunny.

[ Believe it or not, he wants to hear her moan. He wants to see, hear, and fell the effect he has on her... but the fact that it’s her, Hana Song, doesn’t seem to matter.

If it’ll be enough to offset everything else in the back of his mind... he’ll take it. There’s nothing more that he needs.

At least he puts his tongue to good use, then, its tip delicately circling Hana’s clit as he’s got his arms wrapped around her thighs.

Despite his apparent focus on Hana’s pleasure... Dick never bothers to look up at her. With the whites of his mask concealing the direction of his gaze, it’s even harder to tell if he’s looking for signs of her pleasure - her approval - on her face. Maybe hearing me is enough, she might tell herself... but by now, she’d know better than to believe that. ]

[ This hurts... so much.

Not in the way that he touches her, no. Not in the way he runs his strong, calloused hands all over her skin, or in the way his mouth explores her in a similar fashion - no, all of that she in fact enjoys. She's dreamed of letting him have her in this way far too many times not to.

But her heart is also twisting in her chest and her eyes stinging. It hurts so much. Because she is so foolishly in love with Dick Grayson, and in spite of what they're currently engaged in, she knows - he doesn't love her. In all likelihood... it doesn't even matter that it's her in his bed, tonight. She could be any other person (other than the one person Dick does love) and this could still be happening. He would still be kissing her fervently - and she would still kiss him back the way that she does in that moment, watching with baited breath as he begins to move down on her.

She's just a body, right now. Perhaps even less - a tool to be used.

As such, she follows his instruction as he leads her hand, offering no protest as she uses her fingers to spread herself open. She peers down, longing for eye contact that she knows she won't receive from behind his mask, and she bites her lip in another attempt to stifle herself as she watches him move in -

It doesn't work, though. Her lips part and a moan slips out all too easily as he begins to eat her out, back arching too easily, head angling back too easily, legs quivering all too easily.

This is a mistake. But god, she wants it so badly.

Hana is nineteen, edging on twenty by now. She's allowed to make mistakes, right? As long as she's not making them on the battlefield, where mistakes could cost her life. As long as she remains a perfect pilot, a stellar soldier in war, as long as D.Va does what she has to and wins -

she can be a pathetic, detestable person in her personal affairs. No one cares about Hana, anyway. Dick certainly doesn't. ]

[ Dick might not care as much as he ought to, but it’s not for the reasons most others don’t. He doesn’t idolize or objectify D.Va while forgetting Hana completely... it’s almost worse: he forgets Hana completely and sees a convenient escape - a body to hide himself in and lose himself to. The weight he must bear now... it’s unbearable. It wouldn’t have been if he had more conviction, more zeal, but everything that’s happened has left him empty.

Empty, yet wanting more of something.

Anything.

So he eats her out, because she lets him. Because she’s yearned so desperately for his attention, his approval... even if this seems to be the best and only way to get it. And he knows it, too - what she wants. Which is why he’s giving it to her... for all the wrong reasons.

His tongue had gently licked her clit in circles, but now he’s lapping it up directly, tongue harder against the surface of her clit as he feels her hips twist and shake against his face. Watching Hana writhe like this, sensitive to Dick’s every touch, actually gets him going - for a moment, he even chuckles adoringly at Hana’s reactions, briefly forgetting the context.

Hana might loathe herself for this, but... so does Dick. It’s already registered just how wrong this is - how he shouldn’t be using Hana for this, taking advantage of her feelings for him.

Though he continues because Hana’s body is so conveniently close and malleable, he still doesn’t want to look at her.

Because now, he dreads having to see that she’s looking at him.

Seeing him in all his shame. ]

[ She's far too lost in her own pleasure to have heard Dick's reaction to her - but it's all for the best. It's better if she doesn't hear, and doesn't fool herself into thinking he could really be in this moment with her.

He's not. She knows that. But it doesn't stop her from giving him everything she would have if he was. Which means she continues to writhe against the added sensation from the press of his tongue, her fingers pull away from her folds and find their way into the curls of Dick's hair, and her legs buck and brace against the strength of his arms around her thighs. And each gasp, moan, and whimper is unhindered, any idea of being quiet now abandoned.

But she doesn't look at him, either. Now, her other arm is draped over her face, forearm covering her eyes. She doesn't want to see his shame, or be reminded of her own. She doesn't want to look down again and be met with nothingness in his eyes, in his mask. It's enough to feel him, to just know it's him behind the incredible pleasure she feels, that he's the cause for her pulse pounding in her ears and the heat she feels across her face, her sex, her entire body. That it's Dick, the man she's harbored unrequited feelings toward for so long, who has her naked in his bed, who can do whatever he wants to her.

Even if he's just using her— she's used to it. She's being used all the time. MEKA uses her to tout how successful their idea to put kids on the front lines has been. The public uses everything about D.Va to say that everything is fine without any regard for the young woman behind the controllers.

Dick using her isn't any different, is it? It certainly doesn't stop the heat and pressure from building in her body. ]

Dick—

[ It slips out without her meaning to; she's almost afraid to say his name. Because she knows hers isn't the voice he wants to hear. ]

More. Please...

[ At her words, Dick only nods slightly. If Hana's going to talk, Dick won't exactly protest, but that still doesn't mean it's her voice that he wants to hear. He's effectively a man that's fallen apart, though - and before he can rebuild himself, he hopes he can escape to this for just a little longer. Until this ends, until he can finally muster the will to move on... he's not quite sure what he wants from any of this. What is he really doing with Hana here, and why is he letting himself hurt her this way?

He knows about her feelings for him. He can sense how much she'd give to him.

Maybe it really is the case that he doesn't care.

But at least he cares enough to heed Hana's commands, relinquishing his tongue and backing away a bit to properly introduce his fingers. He initially rubs Hana's clit with a single fingertip, but abruptly reconsiders his approach once it registers just how eager she is for more.

So he slips two of his fingers inside Hana, thick yet limber as they curl against her walls with a distinct and tantalizing finesse - the kind that only Dick Grayson would be capable of. He waits before he decides to start thrusting his hand, perfectly content building up to Hana's eventual need for more force. Until then, after all, he crawls forward to hover over Hana, slipping an arm behind her back as he leans in to suck on one of her nipples. His ministrations are as ceaseless as his reputed work ethic, his body thoroughly invested in the moment while his mind... is elsewhere.

He wants to gratify this, the void heartbreak has left that makes his body ache for another's touch.

But already, his mind's on a case. He's already calculating his next steps towards solving the mystery of Bruce's death... and that's only to start. ]

[ Hana bites down on her lip— and hard. Because there really isn't anything like the way that Dick works her with his fingers - and the fact that it's Dick, of course, only adds to Hana's rapture. If she gets any louder than she already has, she's going to ruin it all. As much as this hurts, and will continue to hurt after all's said and done, she can't stop this. She's been wanting, dreaming of this for too long to stop it, even knowing that it's wrong, even knowing that he's using her.

So she resigns herself to it. Spreads her legs open more as he pumps his fingers in and out of her, as her walls clench around them, as he comes up and uses his mouth on her breast. It's greedy of her, she knows. But... she doesn't care anymore. She just wants him that badly.

Her arms move, then, and wrap around him - briefly before her hands trail upward slowly. She closes her eyes and focuses on the feeling of him at her fingertips, wanting to memorize the way his skin and muscles feel under her touch, until finally she stops at the sides of his face. ]

Let me see you. Please.

[ This, she says as a quiet, desperate plea. He can do whatever he wants. He can use her. But if nothing else she wants to look into his eyes at least once, even if it's just once. Tentatively, she tries to pull his mask away from his eyes. All the while, she croons: ]

I love you. I know you don't feel the same way, but - even through all of this - I love you.

And I'm sorry.

[ Because she's being selfish, pouring this all out in front of him when all he needs is a body to take his frustrations out on. Not someone with feelings. But she's never going to have a chance like this again, right? ]

Edited 2018-01-28 06:28 (UTC)

[ If only Dick could stop to heed her words and appreciate them, but... he doesn't. He's too busy continuing his ministrations, relentless as he smothers Hana with all the pleasure she's been craving. Despite this, he momentarily ceases sucking her breast to let Hana properly remove his mask. He fails to make eye contact once again, however, but hesitates to revisit her breast so soon. ]

I'm sorry, too.

[ He goes on to lick her other breast briefly, before another thought he'd like to share occurs to him. ]

If this works, little bunny... I can learn to love you back.

[ A beat, as he carefully curates his next words. It's hard enough doing this while trying to think, but his previous train of thought had been so thoroughly immersed in his work. ]

All I need is time.

[ With that, he finally sucks on her other breast, hand now pumping harder between her legs. He's not quite sure how committed he is to his own words, but he hopes the relief they're intended to bring can catalyze the release his every action's building towards. ]

[ There's a certain relief that comes to her as he lets her remove his mask. She tosses it aside, but the fact that still she can't meet his gaze is just another painful reminder of how foolish and selfish she's being.

To hear I can learn to love you back should make Hana feel elated, almost as much as hearing an impossible I love you, too would, but - she knows.

Dick, you liar, she thinks, and she's got half a mind to say it, too, but the words die in her mouth and instead another moan comes out as he resumes sucking on her breast and thrusting his hand into her now with more force. Even if his words didn't bring the relief that he meant for them to, his actions are enough to send her over the edge. Her back arches even more now, bringing her body as flush against his as can be, and this, all of this - the heat of his mouth around her breast, the deftness of his fingers as he hits her sweet spot over and over, the feeling of his skin against hers, his strength - have reduced her to an awful, shameful mess underneath him.

And so Hana comes, one hand of her finding purchase on Dick's shoulder, fingers clamping down on them and nails digging into his skin as the other claps over her mouth. She cries out as her body trembles and shakes with her release, voice muffled behind her hand and stifling what otherwise would have been a pathetic call of his name.

Dick will find, though, that if he even bothers to look at her once she's completely finished, that the hand of hers that had been covering her mouth is now covering her eyes again. Her lips are parted as she's panting, trying to catch her breath, but there's a gasp in between that almost sounds like something else.

Don't cry. ]

[ Dick isn't so oblivious that he fails to notice what Hana's doing - what Hana's hiding. Part of him wonders why she's let him go this far and do this much to her. If at any point she decides enough's enough, that she ought to knock some sense into him... Dick won't complain. Come what may, he knows he'll deserve it. In all his pain, he didn't have to bring anyone else down with him.

Yet here they are.

He pays no mind to the stinging pain on his scratched shoulders, too enamored with the sight of a thoroughly disheveled Hana. He sees that she's about to cry, about to fall apart at any moment, but... he releases his fingers from inside Hana and crawls over to smother her in another kiss. To distract her from her turmoil, maybe, with even more touches, more sensations - even as he feels her tears wet his cheeks, even as her hurt is so vividly palpable. He hopes to keep her trapped in the haze of her own arousal for just a bit longer, kissing her liberally in many places - her lips, her cheek, her neck - and even nibbling her ear. ]

Do you want more?

[ he briefly whispers before nibbling her ear once more, though he shortly goes back to kissing her elsewhere.

Hana might have just finished, but the fact remains that Dick hasn't. His own arousal isn't difficult to notice, though he makes it easier as he leans away to rid himself of his pants. ]

Yes.

[ She barely even waits to answer.

Because the reason she began to cry wasn't because she didn't want this to continue any longer, it wasn't because of how much she's hurting. It's because in spite of all that, in spite of her hurting, she still wants more. She still wants him so badly. And she's ashamed of it, of the fact that even though this is nothing but empty sex to him, she still wants all of it and every part of it.

Even knowing that he doesn't love her and never will.

Why would he, anyway? She's pathetic like this, a horrible woman taking advantage of a horrible situation. So selfish, and so needy, so stupid. She knows, too, that maybe the reason Dick could never come to love her is because she's really nothing like the sunny, bright D.Va. That's who he'd need: someone who's infallibly strong in spirit and always sees the bright spots in everything (you know, like the person Dick does love). But behind all her smiles and chipper voice and talk of hope and courage, she's just a sad, pathetic, scared young girl.

That's why she cries, even as he smothers her with kisses. Because she's like this, but she still wants to take anything that Dick wants to give her, even if she doesn't deserve him.

To that point - she props herself up on her elbows as Dick leans away, unwilling to give up the closeness of their bodies, and she watches him take his pants off to reveal his arousal. She wants more. Even tear-stained as her face is, she looks up at him with a need and want in her eyes. ]

I want more... please.

[ She might not deserve him, but it goes both ways: he doesn’t deserve her. The fact Dick has even resorted to this is proof enough of his own pathetic nature - how thoroughly dependent he’s become on the gratification of a lover’s touch. It’s enough to make him want to punch his own reflection whenever he looks in the mirror, but... now’s obviously not the time. Not when he can continue distracting himself with Hana’s body, eyes lustfully regarding her pained and disheveled condition with an eager yearning.

He needs a moment to let Hana’s words sink in - the fact that despite everything, she manages to continue wanting this in spite of herself. ]

Turn around... on your knees.

[ That’s all Dick offers as a sort of affirmation as he waits for Hana to follow his command. Once she does so, Dick doesn’t even hesitate as he makes his way inside, his girth filling in the space his fingers had paved moments before. He might not seem as invested in Hana’s emotional well-being, but he’s at least careful upon entry, starting slow before the momentum inevitably builds. His hips, after all, begin thrusting ceaselessly the more intense the sensations become. Like this, with Hana’s back facing him, Dick doesn’t even have to look at her, or recognize that it is her, as he reaches to press his palm against Hana’s back and hold her down.

Yet he continues to look at her - and the more he does, the more he imagines someone else in her place. Which is why she’ll feel him harder against her walls, full brunt of his force the longer he goes at it. He can look at her as much he wants, growing eager with anticipation and excitement... as long as he doesn’t have to see her face. ]

[ She feels her heart sinking at his instruction...

... but she obliges. Of course she does. That's how badly she just wants to be with him - that she would do what he says, even knowing the reason why. He doesn't want to see her face. Doesn't want to be reminded that it's her he's doing this with. Still, she'll give him what he wants.

And so she turns around, gets on her knees, and braces her arms against the bed to hold herself up as she feels Dick slide into her. She can't help the gasp that she gives as he does, so utterly taken with how he fills her up, how much she's wanted this for so long. Now, again, she bites down on her lip to keep from getting too loud as he begins thrusting, and she closes her eyes. This way she won't be tempted to look back at him. He wouldn't want that.

He makes it more difficult, anyway, once he uses his hand to pin her down. It shifts her angle a bit, and she gives a quiet cry from the pleasure when he starts going at her harder. Any volume she might have gained from it, though, she stifles; with her now pinned down, she easily, though desperately grabs fistfuls of his sheets, holding the fabric up against her gaping mouth. With every intensified move of his her muffled whining and moaning grows more pitiful and desperate but they're in this together now. Both of them, doing this awful horrible thing to each other.

She wishes she didn't enjoy this so much. She wishes she had more self-respect than this.

But she doesn't. ]

[ And Dick doesn't think less of her for it. But maybe that's only because he's not really thinking of her, period. The thrusts of Dick's hips are relentless, ever-increasing in force and vigor as if he's chasing after his next catharsis. He wants this, all of this... even if it's not Hana he'd rather be doing it with. With so much of his mind now preoccupied with the sensations at hand, Dick has little reason to complain.

He's certain that if he maintains a consistent rhythm, he'll edge Hana closer and closer to climax. He's confident, after all, that he has enough stamina to outlast her - to put her through the ringer a second time even before he finishes. So Dick continues on without fail, hardening inside her as the thought of making her come sooner than he will goads him on. Hana can hear him shudder slightly, breath quivering as he navigates the fog of his own arousal. Though by now, it's obvious that Dick's only using Hana for her body, the effect she has on him his undeniable. He's committed to seeing to it that Hana finishes once again before he does, but he permits himself to enjoy her body, to enjoy her tightness around his length as he thrusts on and on.

Even if there's that going for Hana, and only that... maybe it's enough.

It's certainly enough for Dick.

Still, this might not be the healthiest coping mechanism. It's probably the least healthy, if Dick was honest with himself.

Yet he feels this is what he needs. Otherwise, what's left? A pit, for sure - a void without feeling, or purpose, or meaning. And it'll consume him otherwise.

But once the dust settles, and Dick inevitably comes to terms with the hand he'd been dealt to make this night happen, the people he's had to lose...

He'll never forgive himself. ]

[ If Hana really had enough of her wits about her to think, she might recognize the fact that, at least on a basic level, Dick is responding to her. Her body, more specifically, but still her. That she does have an effect on him, enough that he'd gotten aroused in the first place.

But there's really no room in her mind for any higher plane thought at the moment. All she can think about is how good this feels on a physical level and how bad it feels on an emotional level. The former moreso than the latter.

Because there's just something so raw about how Dick pounds into her again and again that she simply can't not feel surmounting pleasure from; he comes at her with such force and vigor that she finds herself so completely reduced to a mindless heap under him. The air is filled with the sounds of Dick's hips continually colliding with hers, her own gasps and moans, as well as the bed creaking below. She wants so badly to turn her head and look at him, to see whether or not he's as disheveled as she is - but she knows better than that, at least.

So instead she looks forward, hands again clutching at the sheets. Part of her doesn't want to cum. If she does, and Dick finishes - then this ends. And she's afraid to find what's to be on the other end of this encounter. Is she supposed to shamefully put collect her things, get dressed again and then leave? When she does, is she supposed to pretend this never happened? Is she supposed to go on with a heart that's so completely broken yet completely captured by him at the same time?

But she can't help it. Hana feels her body tensing up in culminating pleasure, walls tightening around his cock before she just - falls apart once more. But her release is so much more intense now for having been so thoroughly fucked by him, and she practically screams as she comes. ]

[ As Hana rides out her orgasm with such ferosity, such intensity - Dick musters the full brunt of his strength to meet her with thrusts of comparable vigor. As she falls apart, limp against the bed, Dick slows his own rhythm in turn before finally sliding out of her. He falls on his ass onto the bed, breathing labored after all the effort spent driving Hana into climax once again. With his palms on the sheets behind him, he leans back and simply looks at Hana, who can't even face him - she's evidently so tired, so disheveled that she can only lie on her stomach as she slowly regains her composure.

Tired himself, Dick's hardness becomes more limp the longer it takes Hana to recover. He pays it no mind, however, as he's aware of how Hana might want to please him in return. He's now so preoccupied with the present moment that, unlike Hana, he doesn't contemplate what awaits them after this encounter. Part of him wonders if he should try to forget this entire thing in the coming days, or... if he should convince her to make this a regular occurrence. Something the two of them can do to mend their brokenness, fill their respective voids... however futile and self-destructive this exercise turns out to be - however much it actually is. ]

How was that, little bunny?

[ He has the nerve to ask, but there's no genuine curiosity. Asking like this is merely a formality at this point... and it's obvious from the lack of passion in his words. It's like Dick calls her that - calls her 'little bunny' - just to pretend there's affection here, to help lull her into that illusion just a little longer. ]

[ Hana doesn't even answer his question.

It should be abundantly clear how that was for her in the way that she continues to lay on her stomach, face buried in her hands and his sheets as she continues to gasp for breath. Her mind is hazy with the shame she feels - and the pleasure, the afterglow of her climax.

She know he's not really interested in her answer, anyway.

The fact remains, however, that Dick hasn't finished. She knows, even from how intense and completely mind-blowing her own orgasm was, that he didn't come. And she gives a soft whimper to herself as she considers that - was she just not enough? Even after all of this, after giving herself to him, letting him take her like this - she's still not enough for him?

Of course not. How could she ever think that she would be?

Still, she musters the energy to pick herself up, to turn around and sit up on the bed facing him. She doesn't even disguise the glance that she gives over to his cock, but his eyes only receive brief contact before she looks down to the sheets. If she looks right at him, he'll only be reminded of how she's Hana. Not her.

Still, she offers, quietly: ]

Dick... Let me do something for you now. Please.

[ He's expressionless at Hana's offer, but clearly still contemplative. Like her, he doesn't really look back at her, adrift in thought of something else. Someone else. Of course he sees Hana right in front of him, and of course he's aware of the situation at hand. It's just that Dick is currently a man divided - and his other half is somewhere very far from this room.

Whether it's about work, about his lost love, or about some other pressing matter... Hana won't be able to tell.

But she won't need to. ]

If you want, Hana.

[ Is it insulting that he reaches to cup her cheek, admiring the warmth of her flushed face? Would it hurt more if it were genuine, suppressed affection - or would it hurt more if it was a petty attempt to make something that wasn't there more real? ]

Help yourself.

[ That, alone, is enough to remind Hana - Dick will never really be hers. She may very well always be his, heart and soul and now especially body - but whatever it is they're doing right now, it's not at all the same for her as it is for him. She's giving him everything - and he's simply tolerating it. Tolerating her.

She will never be enough for him...

In spite of that - she wants to try. Perhaps something that both Hana and D.Va share is just that - the willingness to try and give something your all. Whether it's giving her all in battle and warfare and missions - or her all in this ill-fated romance of hers.

And maybe, once Dick inevitably casts her aside like he has so many other women in his life... she can at least say she gave this her all.

To that end, she silently nods at him, her lips drawing into a thin line in a bashful way as she crawls closer to him across the bed until she occupies the space between his legs on her knees. Slowly she leans forward, casting him one last questioning glance as though to ask for permission before she wraps her fingers around his cock - and strokes once, twice, however much she has to for him to get aroused again. And should that succeed - she'll lean in, tucking her hair back behind her ear with her free hand and then lave a hot line from the base of him up to his tip with her tongue before swirling it and then drawing him into her mouth to suck, voice thrumming against him with a hum as she does so. ]

Edited 2018-02-08 01:52 (UTC)

[ It's true - she'll never be enough for him. But in time, she'll find that she shouldn't want that. See, she'll never be enough for him because she'll always ask for more than Dick's willing to give - than Dick's capable of giving. He's far too heartbroken now, and even if he eventually healed... how emotionally available would he even be when the healing fails to make his scars disappear?

Until then, he takes advantage of the moment. He lets Hana have her way with him, use his body however she pleases, though it's clear that while her intentions aren't ideal... she still cares for Dick. In a mission, Dick would stop at nothing to protect Hana - they'd have even been good friends if not for the strange distance between them before this point. But now, the strongest feelings he has for her are strictly professional - she's only a colleague, a friend from work, and nothing more. So the reason they're doing this, the reason Hana's tending to Dick so loyally now... is because she's here and she wants this. Dick wants this too, of course, and almost even wants her, but it's a temporary fixation.

Something to fill the void.

It doesn't stop him from brushing stray bangs from her face and holding her hair back as she sucks him off. Believe it or not, he wants to see her do this, and watch as she progresses to the base before shifting back. He won't deny how good this feels, how pleasant a distraction it is from his pain. The longer Hana goes on, Dick can't even drift off to think about work again. ]

Attagirl...

[ He's already having a hard time breathing serenely, and even groans as Hana's undivided attention pays off. ]

[ If nothing else, she can do this for him.

Hana continues her ministrations, this time introducing her fingers back into it by moving her hand up and down in conjunction with the way her mouth moves up and down him. Each time she takes him in, she takes him in deeper; her brows furrow in the effort that she exerts to suppress her reflexes, but the groans that she gives in response to his suggest that she's enjoying this - and she is. She's wanted him like this for so long. And if this ends up being the only time they'll ever be together like this, even if it's all built upon hurt and hollowness and lies... At least his body responds to her.

She picks up the pace, now, and alternates between sucking on his tip at each withdraw and running, flicking her tongue over it before her mouth closes around him again. Soon, she does away with that entirely as her head merely bobs up and down along his length along with her hand. And in spite of what her mind tells her, she lifts her gaze to look at him as she does all of this, yearning for some sort of connection even when she knows she won't find one. Wanting to see how he's responding, if at all. Hoping to whatever higher powers are up there that he's not just letting her do this while he blankly stares out the window. That he's still here with her, somehow. ]

[ Fortunately, he's doing everything short of staring out the window. Though that means his investment in the situation is largely absent, at least he's still reacting to Hana's every touch. Every stroke and every suck of Hana's delivers sensations that keep Dick focused on the feeling of each moment, his eyes closed as - admittedly - it's not even Hana he's imagining. Her dedication pays off, however, as she gets Dick to moan slightly, to grunt and grit his teeth as he tries to stomach so much pleasure in rapid succession. It's only natural, though, only the purely physiological responses that Dick would inevitably show under the right sensations. ]

Close...

[ He whispers at her, far too engrossed in her actions to properly articulate his own words. Her pace may quicken and she may suck him harder in reply, but it's absolutely certain that her forthcoming actions bring Dick to climax. He finishes in her mouth, hardly saying much as he tenses up at the peak of his own pleasure. Sure, he grunts and moans even more, but there's an obvious attempt to subdue himself. He could be so much louder than this, and yet...

He isn't. ]

[ Close does indeed spur her into further action, doing exactly what he might expect, taking him in and withdrawing more rapidly, sucking on him harder with each thrust, until she can feel his cum spilling into her mouth, at which point she stops, hand stroking and taking over what her mouth had just been doing as she bids him to pump that warmth into her mouth, down her throat. She moans as well, sated with the fact that she managed to please him, too.

Even though she knows that he's holding back; she knows that he's not giving her all of him, and he never will.

She swallows down his cum once he's completely finished, and only then does she finally pull herself away from him, now sitting in front of him with her legs tucked beneath her - and his eyes are still closed.

Hana has to wonder - when his eyes close, does he see her? Is he letting Hana do all of this just so he can close his eyes and imagine someone else in her place?

Of course he is.

But Hana is far too broken to care, now. Far too lost in the tug of war in her soul between the fiery D.Va and the scared, emotional Hana. Far too lost in her love for him, however twisted and toxic it's become, especially as of this very moment.

It hurts. There's nothing she wants more than Dick's affection. But him using her -

that'll do.

Who's really using who, here?

Hana bows her head in shame, taking a deep breath before she says, ]

I'm sorry.

[ A beat, then: ]

I can leave if you want me to. I won't - I won't bother you anymore. I'll stay away again, I just - I'm so sorry, Dick.

Don't apologize.

And...

[ He almost stops short of saying it, but-- ]

Don't go.

[ Maybe he's using her. Maybe she's using him. Maybe they're using each other.

Either way, it's ugly, it's painful, and it's mortifying, but... for the both of them, it's clearly what they feel they need.

What they both deserve.

His hand reaches for her wrist, the physical contact cementing his resolve. ]

Just... stay the night. Please.

That's all I ask.

[ Why his sudden need for this? Though Hana wouldn't be foolish enough to believe Dick wants her to stick around, the fleeting fantasy of it must be tempting.

It's likely preferable to the reality of it - that Dick's willing to take whatever warmth and intimacy he can get, whatever body he can hold onto and hold closely until the night passes.

After all, that seems to be precisely what Hana is to him.

A body. ]

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